front yard photo walk, day 7 {100 days outside}

My day in Chicago {Tuesday artist date night}

{Thursday evening}

A day in my favorite city, the place I found my life, my love and me.  And I came home to an equally satisfying place.  I am tired but inspired.  I am spurred by the energy that moved me through the day; through places I have moved through before.

Late this evening, after arriving home, I let the dog out and back in, and rather than turning left to go up the stairs to bed, I was drawn to continue, down the hall and up another set of stairs to my own private sanctuary; it is in this place that I now sit, in dim light and silence -- completely full. 

I sit down to write, not draw my day.  It seems that scenes enter my mind in images and come out in words.  I am not inclined to see an apple and draw one, but to write its color and how the brief immensity of its presence is both significant and inconsequential.

Today was significant.  Significant to my memory of who I am, significant to my belief of who I am and remembering the distances I have traveled.  The paths I have walked, the long busy streets crowded with traffic; the slow trails, knowing not where they lead.
 

{Tuesday evening}

My Thursday morning date with me merged into a Thursday afternoon date with my husband in the beautiful city where we met, fell in love and began our life together.

It went like this, we were to have a couple of hours to ourselves and then meet up to spend the rest of the day together.  Basic plans made to structure our day.  But as I went about my morning on my own, with no particular plans, not caring particularly where I ended up, I began to see that the way we structured our day was a beautiful metaphor for the workings of a relationship; two people in one existence who move in and out of one another's space. 

There is always a tension between the time together and the time apart.  Longing for oneself and longing for ones-other.  It is the existence where freedom and dependence dance together, trying always not to step on the other's toes; trying not to lead out of time.   

I walked down crowded streets that I have walked many times, with no agenda but to have no particular agenda.  I was aware of the time and aware of allowing myself the freedom to be free of the minutes.

As time passed I found myself growing more in anticipation of joining my husband.  I thought about the day of our first date, in this same city, I had an exciting research appointment that lasted most of the day, it occupied my attention; but I remember vividly riding home on the bus, growing in anticipation of our upcoming time together; not knowing that we would be marking the beginning of a lifetime together. 

It has been this way throughout our relationship, this coming and going from one another.  He travels often for work, which has meant concentrated time together and apart.  It has meant constantly renegotiating our dance of freedom and dependence.  

This morning that was meant to be about me, became about clarity, in my own mind, between me and my other.  The coming and going, the longing and parting the constant interplay of interrelationship.  

I hastened my steps, bought a sandwich and went to meet him on a sailboat.


With gratitude,
Joanna