a wild and beautiful morning

not subject to restraint or regulation; passionately eager or enthusiastic

stepping outside this morning I expected to be met by the warm thick atmosphere that has been so present and lingering the past many days.  But instead, cool dry air, instant relief.

I sit down on a padded chair in a protected corner of the porch, the dog follows suit and rather than running out into the yard for his morning relief, lays down at my feet.

And then I am met by something else that I did not expect -- wind -- the wild disruption of strong wind.  I immediately think of a hundred things that I can not do today because of it.  The relief of the pleasant temperature is lost and I am left with the wind and my distaste for it.  In front of me our young birch trees move wildly and I feel accosted by the sensation. 

Within moments my daughter comes through the door with the breakfast she has made for herself; a salad of baby carrots and tomatoes with parmesan cheese.  She sits down next to me and eats mostly the cheese, carefully gathering it up with her delicate fingers. 

I feel my chest tighten against this wind, even though I am mostly protected from it where I sit.  I notice how badly I want it to stop; so that my resistance will fade.  How badly I want to feel security rather than movement around me.  And then I realize, quite strikingly, that I can not control the wind, or the change or the beauty that it brings.  And so I try very hard to just sit and let the air move around me. 

The moments pass, I do not know how many, and amazingly I begin to feel movement in me.  I begin to feel softer, more pliable, peace.

In short time I hear my own beautiful windstorm coming down the stairs from slumber.  Twenty more toes, accompanied by their father, jabbering and sniffling -- joyful sounds of chaos and love.  And inside me the joyful movement of chaos and love -- more willing to be part of the greater movement. 


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